This inspired me to be a better nurse during prcp and when I pass out. Whatever choice we made, do it with love, we cannot go wrong.

i realised i love babies so much, babies as in the age of 0-2. and i'm considering neonatal ward few years down the road (:

Ever since I met you, it hasn't been the same.
All you've got me doing is drawing hearts around your name ♥ We reached a certain age when we find it so hard to make good friend, its because, we always see the old one better than it was. I've reached the age, that no matter how many new friends I made, at the back of mind, the memories with the old ones, will always remind me that they are my best friend forever :) Time pass so slowly, when you miss someone you love, and you want to see the person so damn badly, but the fact is that you are never ever going to see the person again, until you are close to death...
I can't afford to lose anyone I love anymore, sincerely pray that everyone around me will be healthy, just like how he used to be :) :) one month of Geron posting finally come to an end! As much as I wish for holiday to come, I would really miss working in ward 64, the nice ward staff, all the cute ah mas that I took care of :) and those ite students I met :)

Geron was indeed what I always wanted :) indeed, things happened for a reason. I wasn't able to fulfill my dream of germany attachment, but i had a great learning experience here. I have so much clearer picture of nursing, and life.

I met some nurses who advised me to give up. The way they treated patients grumpily, I thought, will I be like them one day? Tired of all those paper work, of all those annoying call bells and patients, of the nags from seniors or sister, of not getting the leave you planned, of all the back stabbing from colleagues. I hope I can survive another 20 yrs in nursing, but seriously, how far can passion bring me...

Nursing a 99yrs old grandma, I understand the true meaning of job satisfaction. Convincing a patient who doesn't eat well to eat and feeling happy when they ate more than they could. Having her to hold my hands and cried that she want me when I told her I won't be seeing with her anymore. Lending a listening ear to her, when she told me that I sayang her more than her ignorant daughter do. I really love her and she assured me that I love Geron more than anything else:)

And i really have greater appreciation of life, of my family and the people around me. Nursing that annoying bed 8, who kpo in everything I do to the patient beside her, who lecture me everytime I take her bp! Although she always drive me to my tethers end, I pity her. how would u feel if every movement u made is painful cos u r at the last stage of cancer, yet, you don't have anyone to rely on? What's in your mind, if you have to scold people to pretend you are strong? What i've learned is, we really have to spend our time wisely. We cannot go back into the past to undo the things we have done, and we won't know everything that may happen in the future as the world is constantly changing. But there's one moment of time which we have some conscious control, the present :)

Throughout this Geron posting, I keep thinking of dad. I saw his shadow in many male patients, lost and weak, regrets and hopelessness all written in the face. Ive learned that, many of us go thru life without a clear idea of what is the purpose of our existence. This become a problem as we grow older and closer to death cos we become more dependent on others. We really have to find out why are we here:)

Life's really like a battlefield, we always have to make decision of what is worth fighting and what isn't. I don't have much time to waste anymore... All I want now, is to be with the people I want to be with, go to the place I want to go, and do the things I want to do! :))))))

Omg, such a long post. pen off now:)
I'll miss u, short girl hamtaro:) dear you,

when life is on a up it never fails to look bright and sunny
when life is on a down it never fails to look dark and gloomy
it was you who took me out of the dark and gloomy
and into the bright and sunny
and kept the sun up there shining so brightly
i just want u to know that
thank you for taking away my rainy days
if there's one thing
i can say that will be true till the end of time
it's not "i love you" but rather,
i will be faithful
i swear i'll never let you down. End of the world
how true is it?

I really have so many things left undone, so many things to explore. so many places I want to go, so many kinds of people I want to meet. Most important, so many things I want to do with u.

How would it be like, if we know how long more we left in this world? What would be the most regretful things u ever did or never did? Who would be the one u want to spend with for the last second of ur life?

I wish I know how dad felt when he knew he didn't have much time left. I love u. And I really do. I dont know what I would do without u. Suddenly i feel that my life is in a mess now. I used to be a person who choose what I need rather than what I want, making this kind of decision without a second thought. But now, I'm stuck with many many thoughts. I'm in a crucial one week whereby decision number 1 need to be made. Been thinking about the same thing for days, I'll need to do some serious soul searching. What do I really want? What do I really get? And hopefully I'll get some answer... Sigh. Anywhere you are, I am near,
Anywhere you go, I'll be there,
Anytime you whisper my name,
You'll see,
Every single promise I'll keep,
'Cuz what kind of guy would I be,
If I was to leave when you need me most,

What are words
If you really don't mean them when you say them,
What are words
If they're only for good times then they're done,
When it's love, yeah, you say them,
All of those words,
They never go away,
They live on,
Even when we're gone,
And I know an angel will say
Just for me and I know I'm meant,
To be where I am and I'm gonna be,
Standin' right beside her tonight,
And I'm gonna be by your side,
I would never leave when she needs me most,

What are words
If you really don't mean them when you say them,
What are words,
If they're only for good times then they're done,
When it's love, yeah, you say them,
All of those words,
They never go away,
They live on,
Even when we're gone,

Anywhere you are, I am near,
Anywhere you go, I'll be there,
And I'm gonna be there forever more,

Every single promise I'll keep,
'Cuz what kind of guy would I be,
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel
Close.


anyone who sing this song to me and mean it, I will love the person forever : )
But seriously, who will?
Now, will there still be a person like chris medina ? SIGH. One month holiday flew away. Back to work again. Somehow, I'm feeling so unwilling to go, maybe it's because ive been slacking for too long, maybe its really because ot is not my interest. Maybe I won't be dragging myself to work when it comes to geron posting. Or maybe... Nursing is really not for me? I don't think i can be a good nurse. I went to pray twice, the first lot says choosing this career is a disaster, the second lot says, my dreams were untrue and it won't happen. My dream to help patients recover, it won't happen.. The reason why I'm staying on is because I love the patients, but so what? I'm bad at critical thinking, I'm bad at writing report. Im bad at answering the questions that people ask. I dont dare to scrub a patient cos im bad at communicating with doctors. Im too blur to be a nurse. Somehow, for a moment, I doubt my choice was right. Im afraid the stress and lack of freedom will cause me to lose my passion n interest, and then become a grumpy staff nurse. But what else can I do other than nursing? I hate ot, I hate myself for doubting my capabilities.



I don't know how, I don't know why, but u seem to be lingering on my mind all the time...
happy and contented to have them (:



seriously, holiday has been really bored and costly. i cant wait for attachment to start ): and i miss school so much. i miss all the nonsense from iskandar and the rest of the guys. i miss the dirty girls talk (: i miss swimming with steven and the rest. i miss slacking in library, in the media room during long hours break with my clique. i miss the irritating ones making fun of me. seriously. i miss them.



we always complain just how much more years until school ends. but when it does end, we'll realise just how much we dont want it to. all of a sudden, i miss chiang rai so much, it's been half a year, and i realised i didnt write down my trip to chiang rai in march! my 21st birthday.

i miss phu chi fa ): the dusit hill guesthouse was really the best place i ever stay, even better than my own house, tho lots of insects. i love fresh air in the morning, and the natural aircon at night! and auntie was a really good cook, every meal was like a feast, and her tomyam soup was awesome. evening, we will go downhill to watch the sunset. every night, all would sit together at night for sharing session. and the girls would sit together to gossip,(: let the picture speaks (:

we climbed the phu chi fa mountain. such a beautiful place (:


dusit hill !!! our lodging place !


every evening when we finish our work, we will sit outside together to write our journal (:

HUEY KU SCHOOL !


i miss the journey from dusit hill to huey ku school on the lorry, especially with the girls. the wind always slapped me awake, and the endless stretch of beautiful scenary was unbelievably! seriously, i didnt want to blink my eyes at all (:


i love those kids, those moment of unadulterated happiness


i met boonchu and chart. my favourite student throughout the days in huey ku school.


during the three days, we taught them simple english, and also first aid. although communication barrier was so bad, the kids were so willing and appreciative to be able to learn.




four days in huey ku was really busy! after lesson, we have to paint their library. I drew it! a person so lack of confidence actually volunteered to draw on the wall, it'd felt like a dream. i played a big part in their library and really felt a sense of satisfaction to see what i've drawn was painted so nicely. it was the day i found my talent too (:


although we dont communicate well, four days was enough to make the last day in huey ku a heartbreaking one, but i held back my tears so they would rem how happy i was with them (: i remember them shouting i love you so loud and clear. we exchanged photo of ourselves. and i really miss fighting with boonchu so much and i hope he think of my too ):

Long neck Karen

on our R&R, we went long neck karen village!!! (: their necks are pretty scary and i learned about their culture.

travel down to RIMCHAN RESORT. terrible haunted place. at night, we would go over to the 10 beded room with them, watched tv and we would translate the thai show to english, miss tang joined too. damn funny (: the weather was so damn cold there due to the japan tsunami, almost 12 degree and it's worst then their winter. i suffered so much there cos i only have a cardigan to keep me warm.


MAECHAN SCHOOL!


we went to maechan school to teach english again. i love the people there, they are so friendly(: the little ones are like stickers sticking to us whereever we go! so irritating. but the older ones love us being their english teacher (:

MY 21ST BIRTHDAY !

in the morning, we went to their jap club! it was so fun trying on the kimono!



my best buddy Pae came to find me, with all her friends to sing me a birthday song and their handmade present. so damn touched.


when i was hugging and crying with Pae, they gathered everyone into the club room. it was a surprise celebration. the kids were so excited to eat my cake that they sticked to me so closely, but their eyes on the cake. hahaha.


it was lucky that, on my birthday, they had a celebration for some culture thing. so we got to see performance and had a special dinner in the school. their performance was awesome, and it felt like they are celebrating my bd too (:


then at night, we went to their bunk to visit the kids. due to the lighting and thunder, the power was shut off. those kids sat on the floor and waited for us in the dark. when we reached, they sang a birthday song so damn loud for me. really unforgettable.
the saddest part was, we went to the boys bunk. i saw a very small boy sleeping on the floor with a very very thin mattress. the floor was freezing cold, but because that kid had bladder problem, they left him on the floor. it was so disheartening when i hug and feel his fear and cold. where did his mother go?
that night before falling asleep, i thought through so many things about life and i had a greater appreciation of how much i have in life. for the first time ever, i celebrated my birthday oversea, and it was my 21st. it sure felt different.

last day in maechan school.


last day was seriously a teary one. all my team, the students in maechan all burst into loud sobs! i remember myself crying and hugging pae, ning and pat so loud, yet keep telling them not to cry and be strong, and i held Pae's hand so tightly in the bus through the window as the bus left, just like in drama. although it's only a few days we knew each other, it seemed like we were long lost sisters (: i truly miss pae, ning and pat so damn much ):