today was hilarious. went east coast with irene, on our way, we saw a dead bird. i wanted to bury the bird but she pulled me away and want me to leave it alone, so we continued our journey and so much things happened to her. hahaha ! we went cycle, i advised her not to choose small bicycle but she ignored ! i chose a taller one. she felt uncomfortable so i changed bike with her. cycled a very long way then she fell down so badly. took rest at a very nice place.
took some photos.


spent my last day in mango with swee in the fitting room.

SWEE ! she looks so motherly.


ANGEL !


it was great working with those part timers holly, xiaojuan and HQ.
it's the second season working with the full timers. i'm sure i will drop by always cos i will miss them.

hais )': too many questions raced thru my mind, my mind is tired.
i just want to know how are you. i hope i could read people's mind. BUSY !
argh :'(
seriously busy today. mango was like tsunami. Mama put me at jeans area today and my hands were really painful and numb . those jeans were heavy ! im having a headache now )':
today is a special day. i received a beautiful card from someone special, a person who has been there for me, to laugh with me, to cry with me, to share, in my joys and disappointment during this few months.. my life would be so different if i never met him. but. . . as i always mention, things are changing constantly. i can no longer be the same like last time . im not good enough, im not good at all . i dont know why i felt this way. i guess you're too good.
sorry .


life is becoming tougher and tougher to handle )':
i've done everything i could do to forget.
but it's just so sad how something good changes so much,
while those bad ones still remain, never will it change.
no matter how sincerely you wish it would.
i thought i could stand on my own.
but memories of you keep flooding my mind.
why ?
why didn't you make it to my future?
)': oh dear ! woke up late and didn't attend my basic maths semester test this morning. today afternoon shift. hais, truly wish that i can don't work )': i felt so tired that i don't even have the energy to talk. have been working until midnight during the weekends and then cab home with cathy amy and lisan. i miss working with liangpieng steph and those people ! last season was the best. having those friends, joking around and chitchat. felt so lonely now.

i miss all my friends dearly.

i miss him too )': met leo peeps to pasir ris park. felt better after some laughter at the playground. thanks SL, KAT, NAT and all those people for making me smile. took some pictures using yieny's new phone.
they are really my good friends (:




yieny the medium banana.

i went home while they have their bbq, im a vegeterian. and i will probably still TRY to be after 49 days. cos i realised the pain and helplessness when u see the one you love so much, undergo such torture and leave you one by one. pigs and chickens are slaughtered alive. this torture is the same as that in the hell. those animals felt exactly same as we do. just imagine that if you're in its place, you see your parent's feet and heads chop off, you can't help but see them bleed to death, then they slit open you ribs, will you be able to take it ? i can't say i will definitely be a vegeterian, but at least i will try. and now, i felt so good about myself without killing.

how long do i need to overcome the pain and be happy again ?
)': cant watch tv for 49 days,
cant have happy events for 49 days.
cant do anything but to think of him.

i miss him.
i miss him so much
)': look thru all the pictures i took secretly whenever he smiled last time.

when dad was still fat












this was the last time i saw him smiled.


he's such a good father (: i miss my dad very very badly )':
i want to see him so much.
)': what should i do ?
im going crazy .
i miss him dearly
)': PLEASE READ.

当我老了，不再是原来的我
请理解我，对我有一点耐心。

当我把菜汤洒到自己的衣服上时，
当我忘记怎样絜鞋带时，
请想一想当出我是如何手把手的教你。

当我一遍又一编的重復你早听腻的话语，
请耐心的听我说，不要打断我。
你小的时候，我不得不重復那个讲过千百遍的故事，
直到你近入梦乡。

当我需要你帮我洗澡时，
请不要责备我。
还记得小的时候我千白计哄你洗澡的情形吗？

当我对新科技和新事物不知所措时，
请不要嘲笑我，
想一想当初我怎样耐心地回答你的每一个［为什么］。

当我由於双腿疲劳而無法行动时，
请伸出你年轻有力的手扶我，
就像你小时候学习走路时，我扶你那样。

当我忽然忘记我们谈话的主题，
请给我一些时间回想。
其实对我来说，谈论什么并不重要，
只要你能在一旁听我说，我就很满足。

当你看着老去的我，请不要悲伤。
理解我，支持我，就像你刚开始学习如何生活时我对你那样。

当初我引导你走上人生的路，
如今请你陪伴我走完最后的路。
给我你的爱和耐心，我会报以感激的微笑，
这微笑中凝结着我对你無限的爱。

may anyone who read this post, awaken to be more loving, caring, grateful, patient, thankful, and kinder to their mothers and fathers.

12 years of suffering, dad passed away peacefully at home on 13june. we were by his side when he was struggling, praying for him that our God would take him away. we prayed continually for eight hours. wiped his body and continue praying. i was staring at him the whole night, cos i know i won't see him forever. the next day, he was sent down, covered the coffin and i'll never see him again. all those days we were praying and praying sincerely, hoping he will go to the place he want to go. and i believed he went there, sometimes there were really nice smell. i know his always listening to us. the last day was a teary one. as i saw dad's body slowly drifted away from me, i felt so hard to hold back my tears. i prayed as loud as i can. then his body went away... i thought i could let go, but when it happened, i couldn't bare to see him migrate to the other world that i couldn't see or touch him forever. his the only guy i trust and depend on. but nothing can change the fact.his happier now. i have to accept and be really happy for him.
all those days of praying, good memories raced through my mind.
none of them was bad because dad really treated us very good. even when those time he was in pain and i held his hand and be with him, those were good memories too. there are no words that can be put into a sentence that can explain how good he treat everyone especially us.
father's work is enormous, as huge as a mountain. i could see from his eyes all hard work he went through, it was written all over.
i still rememered when i was young, after his work i would help him massage then he would give me ten cents,i'll be really really happy. he would teach me maths and i felt irritated because he keep repeating the same thing. he earned and saved so much for us, whatever i wanted, no matter how expensive and useless he would buy for me, he brought the whole family out and spent money for supper, im serious he had never ever go overseas to enjoy before,
all because he wanted to save of us. but as we get older, he realised how important it is to save for our good future thats why he worked all day and became unhealthy.
there are countless good things he did for his family and everyone surrounding him.
to summarise how good he was, he spelled the word 'love' with action.
im so glad that we were by his side throughout his happy times, sad times, those days when he was sicked and then died..i hugged him and told him i love you every night and how much i appreciated him in every card i drew for him. we cherished all the time we could have for each other. the night before he died, i told him love you dad, he nodded his head and asked me to sleep. i went to sleep and dreamt that he left. never thought that the next day he really left..but we have no regrets anymore. there is no way of knowing when death will come to ourself or to others. each time we part from someone, even for a minute, there's no certainty that we will meet them again. so we should talk nicely, forgive quickly and appreciate what you have and who you have. and because,
"the sun rises and sets
the seasons come and go
beautiful flowers become withered and brown
people and other beings and born, live, then die."

all of us are showered with tender love for many years without even knowing it. throughout our life, children expect dad to work and earn money for us while we think only of ourselves. our dads no longer have time to look deeply at us, and we're too busy to look closely to him. then when he is gone, you're overcome by a sense of loss because you never fully understand the meaning of her presence and devotion. so please people, cherished you dad and tell him how much you love him now before its really too late.
i lost my dad, but i've gained so many precious lessons from him.he teached me how to be a better person worth living. especially, a good parent and child.
he will live in me forever.

tomorrow will be the seventh day. i hope he wont come back cos if he dont, that means he is now staying in the heaven happily.
but i really want to see him once again )':
i miss him, i really really really do.
:'( dad, you'll always be in my heart .
i love you. my chest is hurting
my heart is breaking

i need chocolates. busy busy busy. seriously busy working ): haven start a single thing for that two stupid projects and preparation for mid semester test. should i just withdraw from my course now? argh.
i need money.

monday 10june was my off day (: went to his house to watch two dvds, norbit and underdog. played with his two little adorable brother, and her mum and aunt too (: headed down to bugis, went arcarde to play, the two kids had so much fun. get along well with them.haha..

i miss my friends ): seriously busy ):
first day of work, had hard time finding and memorising where the clothes placed. but still survived cos he sent me to work, and waited for my break time to have dinner with me (:
ytd full shift.was damn tired, fitting room was messy, in a really bad mood ): but he came to meet me for dinner at my break time. hehe. so good. today noon shift ): argh !!! my mind shutting down again. is there an easy way to get money?

drop by if your're free (: im working at marina square mango !
yup. very happy indeed. went the cathay for ri ben chun buffet ! together we ate more than 30 plates. wish that kat was with us. hahah. seriously, stomach nearly burst. couldnt even walk properly. then we walked to museum . had great time there (:
then headed down to chijmes, then fort canning park, then clark quay.
had a really great day with smelly feet :D read through my previous post just now, realised time has passed in a blur. i deleted some bad memories that i don't wish to remember. thinking back, i wasn't mature enough last time. i've changed so much :) no longer that super sensitive and emotional little girl, and naive to believe that everything is true and forever.
you left a damn big impact on me. both good and bad one.
its fruitless to dwell upon the past. we should live for the future (:

went company to sign contract today. was so far, yet his willing to accompany me and even waited for so long with me so patiently. hahaha. headed to his work place and waited for him to finish his run and had dinner together. home sweet home :)

i love smelly leg went JB city square today with him.
headed to secret recipes for lunch
had free meals and we only paid for our sweetest cheesecake =P
free meaty meals plus so much calories in the cake =P delicious yet sinful ! hehe.
then watched speed racer. nice show.
had our dinner at the alley way, nicest oyster omelette and seafood..
ate so much.
an awesome day with my smelly leg !
super X100000000 happy.
:D

too good to be true sports day with him today (:
went swimming alone.
then met him at khatib
and we went to play basketball
then he came to my house and i intro him to my family,
and bernard too :)
then played badminton together.hahahahah !
had our dinner then went garden to play swing.
love to spend time with him.
cause i dont have to fake my smiles.

i'm so happy because i'm really happier now:D

i heart you love does not say:
show me your previous hurt and pain so that i can make them deeper.
love says:
show me your old wounds so that i can heal them

stop looking back
)':
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